How do I get my in-laws (including my own husband) to understand that something is wrong with their mother? She is very forgetful, asks the same questions over and over and should not be driving. I just don’t know what to do to make them understand something must be done!
Open Eyes
Dear Open Eyes,
Since you are an “outsider,” you may be looking at this situation more objectively than her sons and daughters are – kudos for you for watching out for her! However, I’m sure you are at a disadvantage as the in-law in this situation, and it is likely that you will not be the person that is successful in getting the family to do something. There are some steps you can take:
If you’re worried that her driving is unsafe, there are driving tests that are often available at medical centers. They may cost several hundred dollars, and are rarely covered by insurance. In addition, some senior centers assist senior drivers in taking exams to assist in lowering their insurance. One of these programs could test the safety of her driving, for better or for worse. If she can’t drive, you need to call an organization that will help drive her places – some are paid, some volunteer. At the same time, if you can get those support mechanisms in place and she is willing to use them, then perhaps the tests won’t be necessary as she will no longer need to drive.
As far as living alone, is she a safety risk? If so, then a geriatric care manager can be hired (again there is a fee, but they can provide an outside opinion) to do an evaluation, including a home assessment. Geriatric Care Managers have a national association and can be found through a web search. If you are not internet-savvy, then go to the local library and the librarian will assist you in finding some geriatric care managers in your vicinity (your librarian can also assist you in finding driving programs).
Last but not least, see a doctor. There are benefits in obtaining a diagnosis, as it can rule out treatable conditions. In addition, the medication now available for Alzheimer’s is more effective in earlier stages. Finally, it is very important that her legal and financial house is in order prior to obtaining any kind of dementia diagnosis.