My mother is 89 and has lived with me for the past 3 years. She has been getting more confused lately, and of course I know it’s Alzheimer’s. You have to have a lot of patience! Sometimes I cry when I see my mom so helpless. She used to care for me, now it’s the other way around. I’m at the point where I have to make a decision. How do you know when it’s time for a nursing home?
Ready For Change
Dear Ready,
It is very important that you don’t just assume her condition is Alzheimer’s. Diagnosing Alzheimer’s disease is a process called rule-out which is exactly as it sounds. The process of diagnosis rules out any other disease that may be treatable. In addition, while there is not yet a cure, there are medications that can help your mom if her doctors do think she has Alzheimer’s. The earlier you catch the disease, the more treatable it is. The time for a nursing home also varies from case to case, and doesn’t need to be grim or sad. Very often, people with Alzheimer’s disease do well when placed in a home that provides excellent Alzheimer’s care. They are able to form new relationships with peers, and can find new meaning and purpose in life. You will know the time is right when her care exceeds what you feel you can do while still maintaining her health, safety and stimulation. This decision process creates a very trying time for you, and creates a lot of guilt and indecision. In my Ten Absolutes for Caregiver Decision Making I elaborate on this with Absolute #4: Never Walk Alone, Instead Accept Help. It is imperative that you allow yourself to do that. I wish you and your mother the best!