Why don’t I get any help from my relatives? I feel like I’m all alone in this.
Isolated in Iowa
Dear Isolated in Iowa,
This is one of the most frequently asked questions I hear from caregivers, and while there are many answers, there are few solutions. The one thing that every caregiver seems to get from their relatives is criticism. Perhaps it is because we don’t get to choose our relatives! It is so much easier observe and criticize than it is to actually get up and do, that in times of difficulty the natural inclination is to criticize and avoid any responsibility. And while that is not an excuse, I do think it is an explanation.
Let us try to change the focus of the question to, “How can I get help from my relatives?” The first thing to do is to make a list of things with which you truly need assistance. Take that list and call a family meeting. If there are distant family members, this can be done via conference call. Ask for volunteers for the things you need help with and if no one can volunteer time or assistance, don’t hesitate to ask how they would like to divide the cost that will be incurred when you hire a helper to get these things done. Depending on your family situation, this may sound either too simple or too complicated, but it actually works. Bringing up the fact that your family members can indeed help by physical action or monetary contributions has provided a solution for many family members that I’ve worked with. It will help to distribute the burden you carry, and in many cases has provided a means for enjoyable interaction.