Denial of the fittest

My mother is eighty-five. Does it really matter if she is just a little bit confused? She functions perfectly well on her own at her house. Why should I throw a monkey wrench into her life by taking her to the doctor, only to find out that something is wrong with her? Besides, I read that they can only really tell if someone has Alzheimer’s disease by doing an autopsy.
Doubting Susan

Dear Susan,
It is true that one can only identify Alzheimer’s with a brain biopsy, which is most often done at autopsy. However, the real reason to take her to the Doctor is so s/he can do the tests that are necessary to see if your mother needs any kind of treatment. Why is that important? Because the medications we have today work best with early detection.

I know from experience that it is extremely difficult to make decisions on behalf of someone else. Often it is just easier to ignore the little things and hope it will go away. Your dilemma is so common that I have created a set of ten absolutes exclusively for caregiver decision-making. Absolute One is: Never Assume, Instead Examine. This means one thing and one thing only: first make certain her house is in order, medically and financially – I’m talking about insurance, powers of attorney, wills, trusts and other ways to protect her. Before you do anything, talk to an attorney specializing in elder law in your state. They usually have a free first consultation, so you have absolutely nothing to lose. Next, make that doctor’s appointment and accompany her to the office!

If she truly is just a little confused and it’s still safe for her to live alone, you will have your opinion verified. If she needs medication and assistance to be safe, then you can get guidance. The anticipatory guilt you are feeling now about ruining her life is tiny compared to the guilt you would feel if something happened to her, m or if you discover too late that she was afflicted by something easily treatable.